Having to read about prenatal development for my Human Growth & Development class really sucks. Learning that baby boys are more sensitive to maternal stress and marijuana and that it can cause issues with their development really frustrates me.

Did that pot brownie cause this? Was it the antibiotics? That one glass of wine? I watched the real documentary that The Fighter was based on last night… I saw this woman who was addicted to smoking crack and shooting cocaine go back and forth between deciding upon keeping the baby or having an abortion. She had the baby. 

I did everything right. I was good.

I just want some definite fucking answer. I’m constantly being reminded that I am no longer pregnant. That I had my child taken from me. 

Even though I’m out getting drunk and smoking cigarettes and acting like I’m back to normal- this doesn’t mean that I am okay. I’m not okay. I’m just trying to get by, y’know?
I’m trying to do the best that I can.

well, I just got approved for a Victoria’s Secret card. 

SON OF A BITCH.
I just charged $100.

I would run out of makeup wipes the night that I decided to get adequately intoxicated. I cannot find the strength to wash my face.